In the parenting tool box, no tool stands out like the infamous Sticker Chart.  Seriously, is anything else more instrumental in convincing children across the nation to go potty, pick up their toys, clear their dishes or make their beds?  If only they fill up that sheet with stickers, each representing a chore completed, a good deed done, they can get that toy they always dreamed of, that trip to the amusement park, the big cake with fancy decorations.  And what do parent’s get out of it? Kids who start to understand concepts of responsibility, of working towards a goal, of rewards that flow from hard work and patience.  But not all sticker chart programs are alike.  We have tried different variations, different rewards, and only recently feel like we found the right mix for us.  So, here it is:

1.   Keep it simple – the more complex it is, the more kids get lost in the shuffle.  Give them a simple homemade chart, a sheet of stickers, and let them know when the boxes are filled, the reward will come.  Any other rules may bog them down and that chart will never get filled.

2.  Make the reward commensurate with the number of stickers required to receive it.  If your child gets a substantial gift/reward for very few stickers, you will soon find yourself spending a lot of money for few lessons for your child.  If you require more stickers before they get a prize, they will start to enjoy doing things that please or help others – it won’t just be about the prize, but the lessons that go with it.

3.  Don’t always do a specific list of things they can do to get stickers – if you do, it becomes more “formulaic” and they just focus on the checklist for the sake of stickers.  If you provide them with some ideas of how they can earn stickers, but give them the freedom to do other helpful, kind things too, they will surprise you. They will do things that make you proud, that they came up with themselves.  They will start to enjoy that aspect of the process, and great lessons will be instilled.

4.  Cycle them in and out at different stages.  If you continuously have charts, they can start to feel routine and uninspiring.  When you get through one or two charts, bring them out again a month or two or three later.  This will keep it fresh and interesting for the kids.

5.  Once there are certain chores or behaviors the kids have been doing to earn stars, set the expectation that they continue doing those chores or exhibiting those behaviors.  After all, that is the idea behind the charts in the first place, so don’t let the kids regress to old routines after they get their prize.

Any other ideas out there? I’m sure you all have great stories or insights on this topic, so please, share them with our readers!

This morning I gave a performance. After a 16 year hiatus, I broke out my flute and showed off my skills in front of a group. Well, a group of three year olds, but a group nonetheless. My son’s preschool is in the middle of Music Week, and this year they called for parent volunteers to come in and show different instruments to the kids. My husband, a trombonist, volunteered right away. Last week I asked the teacher if I should send my old flute along, too. She perked up at that, asked if I could get a sound out of it, and the next thing I knew I was at home digging out sheet music. Once I was in with the class, it went very well and the kids were all impressed (like I said, they’re three) and I really enjoyed it. It got me thinking about all the things parents do for their children that, given the choice, we might not chose to do ourselves. You know what I mean- the late nights we spend stringing up planets, the costumes we make, the last minute baked goods we produce because our kids volunteer us, the effort we give to getting the birthday cake just right- all those times when Mom and Dad go to (perhaps unnecessarily) great lengths to help out.

Now that my flute performance is behind me, I get to focus on my next project. Next week at my daughter’s school all the kids are supposed to dress as a favorite story book character. I would guess most of the kids have chosen a human character, but not my girl; I’m going to spend the weekend turning a sweatshirt and tube socks into Charlotte the spider! I probably could have talked her into Fancy Nancy or something a little easier, but darn it, she loves Charlotte! So I get to warm up the old sewing machine and get busy.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s usually worth all the effort. (Although one time I did spend a lot of time turning old sheer curtains into a princess dress-up skirt for my daughter, only to never see it again.) And it’s fun to break out some old skills, perhaps skills my children didn’t know I had, and show them off a bit. They won’t always be so easy to impress. But what about you? What are your stories? What’s the most ridiculously involved project you’ve done for your kids? And did they love your efforts or was it all for naught (ever made absolutely beautiful cupcakes only to have the kids call them “yucky?”) Leave a comment!

This past weekend marked a milestone for our family: our oldest son lost his first tooth.  Did the big event catch us by surprise?  Yes and no.   I think he may have been the last in his class to join the toothless club, and that little tooth had been showing only the slightest hint of a wobble since last August.  I admit we knew the time was coming.  We just didn’t expect it to suddenly loosen up and let go in less than a week!  And, of course, it happened late on a Sunday night, which limited the Tooth Fairy’s options considerably.   My Rooster and I could faintly remember receiving a quarter per tooth, and maybe a fifty cent piece for a special one, but that was a long time ago.  What does the Tooth Fairy leave these days?  That night we found ourselves using Facebook and Twitter to quickly gauge just what the Tooth Fairy’s going rate is.

Turns out that kids still love cash.  Most parents give one dollar per tooth, although some admit to paying five dollars (who wouldn’t want to be a kid again at five bucks a tooth?)   And I was impressed with those who did origami with the bills, nice touch.  As expected, it was universally agreed that the first tooth is special and warrants that little something “extra”.  And that’s where it got interesting.  Some parents decide to give twenty dollars for the first tooth.   Others add a special note from the Tooth Fairy.  Many parents have special coins ready (dollar coins, foreign currency) or perhaps a two dollar bill.   And it seemed like kids who loose their teeth at an early age (before they can count money) prefer the sheer quantity of coins (pennies, nickles, dimes, it doesn’t matter) as they are more fun to play with than paper money.

So what did we decide to do?  We started with the beloved tooth “pillow”: my special teddy bear that had held a beautiful necklace from my son on his first Christmas with us (hugs and kisses to my Rooster for that one).   I held on to the bear for over six years, and last week I realized what I had been saving him for.   My boys fell in love with “Tooth Fairy Bear” the moment they saw him.   Not only is he a plush silver/gray bear with vivid blue eyes and a sparking bow, but he has a zippered tummy that can hold a tooth or other treasure.  My son fell asleep holding tight to the bear, I think he was determined to see the Tooth Fairy since Santa has still managed to avoid detection.  My late night trip to the grocery store yielded a crisp, new five dollar bill and a great suggestion from the cashier – write the note from the Tooth Fairy in tiny fairy script to give it that authentic touch.  So early the next morning, my son ran into our room with his bear, and opened the pocket to find a scroll tied with a violet cord.  The scroll held a special note from the Tooth Fairy, written as tiny and flowery as I possibly could, and five dollars.  After reading the note, he said excitedly, “I knew she must be small! Just look at how tiny the writing is!”  For him, the magic of that moment was in the note, not the cash.  And then he went on to try and figure out how she got in and out of his room without any of us, or our two dogs seeing her.  Must have been the fairy dust…

I don’t know why this recipe is in my recipe box or where exactly it came from, but we are glad we have it.   We make this a couple of times a year, usually in the heart of winter, and it is so good even the kids go for it.   Now, I know Velveeta creates different emotions for different people, and we NEVER use it except in this soup, but if you try it you won’t deny it!  Here it is:

6 Large carrots, sliced

4 Stalks of celery, chopped

5 Large potatoes, cubed

1 medium onion, chopped

1/4 cup butter

add two cans chicken broth

simmer for 30 minutes

add two cans cream of potato soup and

one pound Velveeta cheese, simmer 10 minutes

add 1/2 cup sour cream just prior to serving.

We typically use organic veggies, substitute vegetable broth for chicken broth, and  use low-fat sour cream, and it tastes warm and hearty.  But with all the veggies, this recipe is also a fairly healthy, very easy hit!  And, as my Rooster seems to say about everything, it is even better if you add bacon. I’ll leave that one up to you.

Bon appetit!